"Why don't you straightaway say I look fat? When did you last see me? Five years? Ok, four. That's a long time. That time I was a woman who was clueless about life. Now I am happily married.
"Of course you called me fat. What else does pleasantly plump mean? Anyway, Indian men like plump women only.
"Plump in the right places? God, you've no shame or what! Talking to me like that?! Anyway, let's not discuss me. I am what I am, ok? My husband loves me this way. Any problem?
"He has gone to Chandigarh for a couple of days. He was on the line before you called. Such a sweetheart he is, calls me every two hours: 'Darling, did you have your lunch?' 'Darling, are you missing me?' Such a sweetheart!
"Ok, you tell me now. Why haven't you got married yet. Still chasing women, eh? Do you even remember how many you have slept with?
"What do you mean by nonsense! The whole world knew what I kind of a character you are. Mr Flirt!
"You never tried it with me? What rubbish! It was me who kept you at an arm's length. If there was one guy who I would not be seen dead with -- that was you! Such a rogue!
"Ok, ok, fine. Won't talk about all that. So tell me, why no marriage yet? You could have easily found one from your harem. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! God! Anyways, good to hear from you. But listen, find someone soon. It is nice to be married.
"Of course am happy. He is a sweet guy, yaar. Very sweet. First thing in the morning he makes tea for me, can you imagine that? He clears the dishes, pays the bills, everything! Miss him so much, poor guy.
"You got to go? Ok, will catch up sometime soon. And hey, thanks for calling. Yeah, take care, bye!
*****
"Yeah, he came back two days ago. Yes, from Chandigarh. Do you ever pay attention when I talk?
Achchha listen, am I disturbing you? Please let me know whenever you think is not the right time to talk. You are the busy man."
"Never too busy for me? Nice to hear that, Mr Flirt. But it is not going to work with me, ok? And don't forget, I am now a happily-married woman. Achchha, I am still curious to know why you haven't got married yet?
"Find a girl for you? Why should I do that? What happened to your harem? They all ditched you or what?
"Who will marry you, yaar! And you want me to find a girl for you! Have I gone mad or what? That poor girl -- she will come after me with a knife. But let's hear what kind of a girl you want.
"Ok... ok... go on, go on.. Ah, Smart, intelligent, well-read, sense of humour, same wavelength as you, and what else Mr Flirt?
"And good at sex? Ha! Ha! Ha! You can't think of anything beyond that, can you? Let me tell you, marriage is not all about sex. It is a lot more. I don't know if you will understand.
"Achchha listen, why I called was, I wanted to tell you not to call me after six.
"I know, I know you don't keep calling. Just telling you. After six he is back home. Looks a bit awkward.
"Yeah, he knows we talk once in a while. I tell him everything.
*****
"I had thought I would never call you again. Never, never again. But stupid me.
"What do you mean by what happened? You should know what happened?
"Do you expect
me to tell you everything? Do want me to say, 'Hey, it is my birthday, please wish me?' I thought you would call. See, I told you you never pay attention to what I say.
"What sorry? Fuck your sorry. No, no, no, this is unpardonable.
"No, no, no, don't darling me now. I am very pissed. You and your bloody work! I hate you!
"No, yaar, what does it take to make one call? You know he is not home at that time. Anyway, now I know you don't care.
"No, no, no, it's ok. Leave it. No, leave it.
"Now why do you want to know that? I am not telling you.
"No, why do you want to know what I did when you didn't even remember to call me?
"No, nothing much. We went out for dinner. He bought a cake. And guess what, he gave me diamond ear-rings. Can you believe that? Such a sweetheart he is. Anyways, it was your call I was waiting for.
"No, don't darling me now. I am very pissed."
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